parenting

7 Skills Every Toddler Should Have

In the beginning of our relationship, my husband and I talked about whether we wanted kids and how many. We both agreed two or three would be a good number for us and we can re-assess once we’re parents. It took about two years after having Sophie to be brave enough to realize I can go through another pregnancy. We’re not sure when, but we’ve decided that it is important to us to give her a sibling. Being the overly prepared Girl Scout that I am, I’ve thought endlessly about what age Sophie should be when we have our second child, what time of year I’d like to have the baby and financially what makes the most sense. My biggest concern was making sure Sophie wasn’t rushed out of being ‘the baby’. I wanted her to want to be the big helper once her sibling comes along rather than feel rejected. I’m positive she’ll feel jealous at times but spreading their ages apart makes us more confident in her approach to the new situation.

7 skills every toddler should know

We also kept in mind the difficulty of taking care of two children who need constant supervision. I wrote down the skills that I wanted to make sure Sophie possessed before we had our second baby.

7 Skills Every Toddler Should Have

  1. Self Soothing- When your child is a baby, you taught him how to self sooth through the night. When they’re toddlers, they may need a refresher course on how to find their ‘happy place.’ Maybe having a calm spot to snuggle, a favorite song to sing or a blanket to hold will be what they need to settle down. Being a toddler is rough. Not knowing how to communicate feelings, or worse, not knowing why these feelings are happening is frightening. Help them to re-learn how to self sooth and you’ll both be happier.Self Soothing Toddler
  2. Mini Chores- I think mini chores are a really fun part of toddler-hood. They’re so eager to help mom and dad at this age, so let them! We often let Sophie help make dinner which results in her eating more food. She is able to chop fruits and veggies, measure, mix and pour ingredients. For her birthday we asked for mini-tools so she helps us rake leaves and sweep the floor. Although a task may take a little longer for us to complete, it helps her see that we help each other and clean up after ourselves.
  3. Staying in a Designated Area- I learned the importance of this crucial skill last summer when I cut my foot while cooking in the kitchen. I was so thankful she listened when I told her to stay put because there was broken glass on the floor. It’s also important when telling our kids to stop before running into the street or to stay away from a hot oven. They’ll understand to trust us when we urge them to stay away from danger, such as entering a sleeping baby’s room.
  4. Self Eating- Having to feed two kids just seems like a nightmare. We’ve worked with Sophie to let us know when she’s hungry, choosing what she wants to eat and taking her dishes to the dishwasher. Having her vocalize that she’s hungry helps to prevent melt downs. She makes messes constantly but she knows to wipe up after herself or ask for help if the task is too large. Self Eating Toddler
  5. Object Identification and Retrieval- This is most helpful when we’re trying to get out the door for school in the morning. Asking her to pick out her outfit helps her understand that she has choices and we respect her choices. Knowing how to pick up her toys and throw them in the bin before bed is a huge help and will be even more important when there is a baby taste testing everything on the floor. I’m especially looking forward to her running upstairs to grab a diaper if there aren’t any downstairs when I need to change the baby.
  6. Independent Play- Independent play is currently our biggest challenge. Sophie is very much like me, in that she enjoys interaction with people, at the very least being next to someone at all times. We made the difficult decision to enroll her into Montessori schooling to encourage independence on a higher level. She’s excellent at working on her own projects at school but once she is home with us she has a difficult time being alone. I’ve been suggesting reading a book or working on a puzzle before coming to do an activity with me which works about half the time. There’s a fine line between making a toddler feel rejected vs encouraging them to try something on their own.Toddler Independent Play
  7. Self Awareness- Knowing their own strength is immensely important when it comes to physical contact between your toddler and your baby. Much like teaching a child the difference between ‘hard’ and ‘soft’ texture, you can demonstrate ‘hard’ and ‘soft’ force. Sophie is currently learning this lesson as she often knocks over her friends while hugging them too hard. We’re teaching her that it’s ok to wrestle and hug rough with family but to be gentle with friends.

How far apart are your children? What ‘big sibling’ skills are you glad you taught your oldest before having your baby?

7 skills your toddler should have

How to Help a New Mom

Hello friends!! This past weekend I went to see my 3 day old niece Lyla and swooned over her for a couple of days! I was also able to help out her family with a few chores that were super simple for me but was one more thing off their list that they didn’t have to do. I had a lot of pain after giving birth and we had my husband’s parents come into town for a few days to help us out as well. I wanted to give some ideas on things that are helpful to a new mom or a mom who’s already knows the drill but has another child to care for as well. Knowing how to help a new mom is tough because it’ll be different for every mom but being there to offer a hand will be greatly appreciated no matter how you help.

help-new-momFor me, as a first time mom, I’d gone to all the classes, read all the books was extremely confident once we had Sophie but was physically unable to care for her for the first week. We also struggled during breastfeeding with countless hours of in-home lactation consultant visits and trips to visit the ears/noes/throat doctor. There is nothing that can prepare a mom for breastfeeding. Every baby is different, every mom is different and if you’re successful with breastfeeding from the beginning, count your blessings. One never feels as frustrated and inadequate as a mom who is unable to feed her new baby. The urgency you feel to help your baby stop crying so she can eat, so she can sleep, so she can grow and LIVE is immeasurable. The BIGGEST help was having Theresa come into our home. Being patient, calm, soft spoken and encouraging to me and Sophie through our first several weeks of trying to breast feed was exactly what we needed. I strongly encourage women to have an in-home lactation consultant come into their environment once to critique how you are feeding. The smallest adjustments can make a world of difference in the breastfeeding experience. If you’re trying to help out a new mom who you know is sleep deprived and frustrated about breastfeeding, suggest helping to pay for an in-home lactation consultant.

lowesTaking care of other children in the home is another huge help to mom and dad. Keeping them quiet for mom to rest can be difficult, so take them to the grocery to pick up dinner or to the park to get some playground time in. Have them help you water the flowers or fold the laundry. Helping with meals, baths and naps is very helpful so mom and dad don’t have to keep track of routines with their sleep deprived brains.

flowersAnother super helpful chore is outdoor work. No matter the time of year, there is always something that needs to be taken care of outside. Mowing the lawn, weeding, watering flowers, raking leaves, picking up sticks and shoveling snow are all completely off limits to a mom who’s just had a baby and it’s very likely that dad is pretty worn out as well. You could also fill bird feeders, clean bird baths, or cut a bouquet so mom can enjoy her flowers inside.

dog-walkTaking care of pets is a chore that can easily go unnoticed when you’re a new parent. Having my friend come over to walk our dog Lexi was a huge help in relaxing her and I. She was able to see a friend, get some energy out and be more calm around the baby. It is also helpful to make sure they get their food/water, brush them or give them a bath to help with the amount of hair. I get anxious with clutter and dog hair and everything was heightened when I’d just had Sophie so keeping our house clean meant a lot to me.

sophie-sunSnuggle their new baby if they say you can! I needed people to hold Sophie because it was uncomfortable for me to do so. She was happiest when walking around, which gets really tiring when you’re not sleeping. Being able to go to the bathroom, take a shower, get a snack when you need to is something that you take for granted when you don’t have a baby who needs to be held all the time. lyla-outsideGive tips on what worked for your baby if tips are welcome. Some moms don’t want you to even give them suggestions because it makes them feel like you’re trying to tell them what to do or what they’re doing wrong. In other cases, there are moms that want all the help they can get and are happy to receive suggestions. I had the mentality that if something didn’t work, we’d try something else and then something else until it worked–all suggestions were welcome.

There are numerous things you can do besides bringing lasagna and baby clothes to a family with a new baby. Whether they’re a new mom or a mom that has a few kids already, everyone could use help. No matter how small or large the task, every little bit is helpful. Depending on how close you are with the new parents, cleaning their kitchen, making dinner, cleaning bathrooms or doing their laundry are things that are non-stop and can weigh them down with necessary stress. Know your boundaries and if you don’t, just ask!  What are some ways that you’ve helped a new parent? Was there something that was particularly helpful for when you had a child?

Yesterday I was guest posting over at Dana’s site, This Silly Girl’s Life on how I made a Scrapbook of Love Letters! Go check it out!

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