5 Things I Don’t Do

There’s just no time for doing things that don’t light us up. Nobody’s got time for that! Especially during a worldwide pandemic that is still going on after 2 years. I wanted to write this post to share what I’m saying no to and give you permission to do the same. Stop doing the things society is pressuring you into. You do you.

Here are the 5 things I don’t do. That doesn’t mean it’s right or wrong. It’s just right for me at this time. If some of these things I don’t do, you love doing, keep doing them!

make my kids hug

When I say I don’t make my kids hug, I mean that I don’t make them do any physical contact with anyone they refuse. We believe consent is one of the biggest rules humans should follow so we start teaching our kids early about their right to say no as well as standing up for themselves. We do not make our kids hug grandparents. We ask them if they want to be tickled. We ask if they want a hug or kiss before bed, if not, we just wave goodnight.

I know it’s sinking in with both of our kids who are 8 and 3. Last week, as we were at the playground with other homeschool friends, one child put his hand on my oldest’s shoulder and squeezed. I heard her clearly say ‘I didn’t feel comfortable with you squeezing my shoulder, please don’t do that again.’ He replied ‘ok!’ and they went on their way playing. Later, as it was time to leave, my daughter asked that same child if he would like a hug goodbye and he did.

Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.

Brene Brown

follow the hoa rules

We live in a neighborhood with an HOA. Knowing now why HOAs were created (here’s an article explaining the history) and what they enforce, we wouldn’t have moved somewhere with an HOA. However, we love our home so for now I’m just going to continue to not follow the rules. Specifically, we do not keep a perfectly manicured lawn. I’m against pesticides. If I had free reign, our entire yard would be fruits, veggies, and flowers to build a mini-ecosystem for pollinators and wildlife. Each year I put in 1-4 new flower beds, which makes mowing that much quicker!

It’s really easy to find my house once you’ve visited once. Every other house has a huge green lawn with some random boxwood up by their house. Mine is full of clovers and dandelions because it feeds the bees and bunnies!

force my kids to learn an instrument

Growing up in my house meant listening to music, loud, all the time. Huey Lewis, Billy Joel, The Beatles, Led Zepplin, Queen, John Mellencamp, and Pink Floyd are the soundtrack to my childhood. I remember my dad running in to crank the stereo anytime Money for Nothin came on (and now I do the same). Rather than force music onto my children, through music lessons, I want to envelop them in many types of music. Enjoying music is the goal. If that leads to interest in an instrument we will totally support that interest. My husband plays drums, guitar and dabbles in piano so we’re not trying to hide it from them.

I also think it’s important for them to understand there are many art forms. Performing, dancing, singing, painting, writing, gardening, and baking are all wonderful ways to be creative. The options are endless when it comes to expression and modeling those behaviors will be more effective than forcing lessons.

Separate my laundry

Let me share with you how we do laundry in our home. Once a week, we ask our oldest to empty her and her sister’s hamper into our hamper. We then dump all of those clothes in the wash at once. Throughout the week we’ll do our hamper and sheets and towels. None of it is separated. We just aren’t precious about our laundry. The one thing we do put in a garment bag is Momma Bunny. Momma Bunny gets the royal treatment because there is only one Momma Bunny and she must be protected at all costs.

dwell on people’s feelings

It has taken 37 years to learn this, and I’m still learning how to do it successfully. When I say I don’t dwell on people’s feelings, I’m saying I’m no longer staying up at night wondering how someone perceives things I’ve done/said. I do not have the bandwidth to wonder why people aren’t calling me. There is a point where I will call and share things with you but with no reciprocation, I just can’t. Relationships are two-way streets. When I am using my good energy, that I want to be sharing with my family, on what others are thinking, ughhhhh it makes me cringe.

In the past, I have thought that I am becoming cold-hearted or less empathetic. What I’ve come to realize is that I’m setting boundaries for myself. It’s freeing and in turn, is giving me more room in my heart to care for those I want to share my heart with.

I’d love to know what things you just don’t do. You refuse to follow ‘the norm’ of what people say you should be doing.