Life

There’s just no time for doing things that don’t light us up. Nobody’s got time for that! Especially during a worldwide pandemic that is still going on after 2 years. I wanted to write this post to share what I’m saying no to and give you permission to do the same. Stop doing the things society is pressuring you into. You do you.

Here are the 5 things I don’t do. That doesn’t mean it’s right or wrong. It’s just right for me at this time. If some of these things I don’t do, you love doing, keep doing them!

make my kids hug

When I say I don’t make my kids hug, I mean that I don’t make them do any physical contact with anyone they refuse. We believe consent is one of the biggest rules humans should follow so we start teaching our kids early about their right to say no as well as standing up for themselves. We do not make our kids hug grandparents. We ask them if they want to be tickled. We ask if they want a hug or kiss before bed, if not, we just wave goodnight.

I know it’s sinking in with both of our kids who are 8 and 3. Last week, as we were at the playground with other homeschool friends, one child put his hand on my oldest’s shoulder and squeezed. I heard her clearly say ‘I didn’t feel comfortable with you squeezing my shoulder, please don’t do that again.’ He replied ‘ok!’ and they went on their way playing. Later, as it was time to leave, my daughter asked that same child if he would like a hug goodbye and he did.

Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.

Brene Brown

follow the hoa rules

We live in a neighborhood with an HOA. Knowing now why HOAs were created (here’s an article explaining the history) and what they enforce, we wouldn’t have moved somewhere with an HOA. However, we love our home so for now I’m just going to continue to not follow the rules. Specifically, we do not keep a perfectly manicured lawn. I’m against pesticides. If I had free reign, our entire yard would be fruits, veggies, and flowers to build a mini-ecosystem for pollinators and wildlife. Each year I put in 1-4 new flower beds, which makes mowing that much quicker!

It’s really easy to find my house once you’ve visited once. Every other house has a huge green lawn with some random boxwood up by their house. Mine is full of clovers and dandelions because it feeds the bees and bunnies!

force my kids to learn an instrument

Growing up in my house meant listening to music, loud, all the time. Huey Lewis, Billy Joel, The Beatles, Led Zepplin, Queen, John Mellencamp, and Pink Floyd are the soundtrack to my childhood. I remember my dad running in to crank the stereo anytime Money for Nothin came on (and now I do the same). Rather than force music onto my children, through music lessons, I want to envelop them in many types of music. Enjoying music is the goal. If that leads to interest in an instrument we will totally support that interest. My husband plays drums, guitar and dabbles in piano so we’re not trying to hide it from them.

I also think it’s important for them to understand there are many art forms. Performing, dancing, singing, painting, writing, gardening, and baking are all wonderful ways to be creative. The options are endless when it comes to expression and modeling those behaviors will be more effective than forcing lessons.

Separate my laundry

Let me share with you how we do laundry in our home. Once a week, we ask our oldest to empty her and her sister’s hamper into our hamper. We then dump all of those clothes in the wash at once. Throughout the week we’ll do our hamper and sheets and towels. None of it is separated. We just aren’t precious about our laundry. The one thing we do put in a garment bag is Momma Bunny. Momma Bunny gets the royal treatment because there is only one Momma Bunny and she must be protected at all costs.

dwell on people’s feelings

It has taken 37 years to learn this, and I’m still learning how to do it successfully. When I say I don’t dwell on people’s feelings, I’m saying I’m no longer staying up at night wondering how someone perceives things I’ve done/said. I do not have the bandwidth to wonder why people aren’t calling me. There is a point where I will call and share things with you but with no reciprocation, I just can’t. Relationships are two-way streets. When I am using my good energy, that I want to be sharing with my family, on what others are thinking, ughhhhh it makes me cringe.

In the past, I have thought that I am becoming cold-hearted or less empathetic. What I’ve come to realize is that I’m setting boundaries for myself. It’s freeing and in turn, is giving me more room in my heart to care for those I want to share my heart with.

I’d love to know what things you just don’t do. You refuse to follow ‘the norm’ of what people say you should be doing.

My life looks very different to millions of other women turning 36 in this world. But here is what turning 36 looks like for me in 2021.

Turning 36 looks like joy. Like little girls twirling and giggling in the family room until they fall on each other.

Turning 36 looks like helplessness. For the grandma going into a nursinghome without understanding why or why we can’t visit.

Turning 36 looks like gratitude. For the ability to stay home with my children in a healthy, safe environment to learn together.

Turning 36 looks like hope. For a new administration who’s values align with my own.

Turning 36 looks like social media fatigue. And having to block all social media apps for months at a time because I struggle with being a happy human when I look at them.

Turning 36 looks like becoming introverted. I’ve always been extremely outgoing. I’ve been happy to talk to anyone, anywhere. Being physically isolated from friends and family has caused me to feel nervous when it is time to call them or socialize. I’m recharged by being on my own rather than exploring and crafting with my kids.

Turning 36 looks like worry. Worry for my friends and family who depend on jobs that require them to be around people, routine appointments that are required to live, and having their children in day care and school. I worry every day for them to not get sick, knowing I can do so little to help ease their pain.

Turning 36 looks like love. My husband and I have never been so eye to eye on our values as we are now. Despite being able to call a babysitter for date nights, we’re still making sure we’re spending quality time together seprate from the girls.

Turning 36 looks like sweatpants that are becoming too tight. Between the pandemic and not utilizing my normal running group through the Y I have not put my health first, or fifth. I’m reigning it back in with less processed foods in our diet and more movement.

All in all, 36 looks nothing like what I’d hoped it would look like. But there’s still joy, love, and hope. I have lots of time this year to plan and dream of travels in our future. But I also have time right now to enjoy being with my babies and having my husband home for lunch most days. I’m most motivated, fulfilled, and happy when I stay in my little bubble with my little family sticking to our routine of homeschooling and nature walks outside. I’m happy to stay here a little while longer.

The Best Family Activities for January- As the weather continues to get colder, grayer, and windier, many of us think we will be stuck inside. This year, after being stuck inside so often, I’m realizing that the winter is the perfect time to be outside as there aren’t as many people at the parks! Our family invested in fleece-lined pants, new hats, and new gloves this year so we never had the excuse of weather to keep us from exploring the outdoors!

This list of the best family activities for January is a list of things you can do to slow down this month. No matter what your family looks like, there should be items on this list for everyone to enjoy.

Family Hikes

Last month we took lots of night walks around different neighborhoods to look at Christmas lights. This month we’re exploring parks around us to know which ones will be our favorites in the warmer months. We compiled a list of local parks in our county and what their attributes are. We’re going to visit each one by spring (likely summer) and rank them. Once the nicer weather comes we’ll know exactly which park we’ll want to go to for creek stomping or hiking or who has the best playground!

Plan a Trip

Typically in January, as a travel writer, I am booking all of our trips with CVBs for the year. Last year all of our trips were canceled and we’re not comfortable enough to make the trips this year. What we are comfortable doing is planning camping trips! There are lots of ‘boondock’ type sites on HipCamp that we feel comfortable being further away from people. If you’re typically the one to make all the plans, make it a family activity this year!

Family Declutter Party

One of my favorite January activities is to declutter. In December we work on decluttering toys to make room for new toys coming in. Once January rolls around I like watching documentaries from The Minimalists and the TV show Tidying Up to get me in the decluttering spirit. It’s always a great reminder of gratitude and appreciation for what we already have. It’s also a great reminder on reducing waste and reusing what we already have. The Minimalists have a challenge where you remove one item the first day, two items the second day, and so on through the end of the month. Having your whole family in on this would be a great way for everyone to see exactly what items they have and what they can part with.

Family Goal Setting Party

Some of us make goals and we never share them with anyone. Why? When we share our goals that tell people what’s important to us. It lets them understand us and helps them be able to make sure they hold space for what’s important in our lives. Have a family pizza night and talk about your goals for the year (or month). Maybe do a vision board party or some other hands-on activity where you have your goals hanging somewhere for everyone to see.

Make a family plan for being better

Along with working on goals as a family, sharing what’s important to each of you individually, make a family plan for the year. Have everyone say what they’d like to see their family do together this year. Maybe you want to start volunteering at the food pantry once/month as a family. Maybe you’d like to host a community clean up for a favorite park. Perhaps you’d like to raise or save enough money to purchase a well in Ethiopia. There are lots of great family oriented goals you can work on little by little throughout the year, but you can’t do it unless you can see the big picture.

Family YES Day

Have a family YES day! Have pancakes for dinner. Get dressed up in your finest and break out the fine China for a tea party. Make a fort, pop popcorn and watch a movie. Go play at the park even though you have a house project to work on. Get a huge canvas and let everyone paint whatever they want on it. Just do something fun and say YES to all the things you so often say no to. Your kids will love it. You will love it.

What other traditions and family activities does your family do during Jamuary?? I’d love to know how you make this month special for your family.

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